Change

Change is an odd thing in that it can bring such intense happiness, anticipation, and excitement or it can bring sadness, fear, and feelings of loss.

We all experience change daily but most change that happens is insignificant in the grand scheme of things. That change may come in the form of having to take a detour to work, stop at the grocery store on a day you normally do not, or getting an unexpected letter in the mail from an old friend. We never seem to think twice about these small changes that we encounter but they are there and we adapt quite easily and quickly.

Those changes are not what this is about. This is about the kind of change that is monumental, the kind that makes you stop in your tracks and take notice. The notice we take of these changes may be like what I described in the first sentence…happiness, sadness, or possibly both. This is about being excited but feeling loss all together…intertwined and inseparable.

So, what am I rambling about?

I’m not going to mention names but many of you may know who I am talking about. Two people that Annie and I know, like, and love very much left this morning on a new adventure. They left Paso Robles to move on to new opportunities in a new state. I’ve known them for about six years and can genuinely say that I am a better person for knowing them. They’re the kind of people that you miss when they aren’t around. I think in many instances, they are the kind of people we all strive to be…positive, upbeat, happy, helpful, kind, hilarious, and smart…but they do all of that better than I can describe in words.

There truly are not that many people that have impacted me to such a degree, but they did. They changed my world view on some things and were part of why I started my journey to leave the hamster wheel of life and enjoy things more. I can go on and on about these two and others like them, but over all message I am trying to get across is that change is often a double edged sword and that being “good people” is important and should be something we all strive to be.

For those of us left behind in Paso Robles it is sad, mixed with a few dashes of excitement for them and their new opportunities. That’s the double edged sword. For them, it’s scary as hell mixed with a bit of adventure and anticipation. I think we take our days for granted. We don’t tell people how we feel about them enough. One day, when these big changes happen though, we’re reminded of just how fragile and short lived these moments are.

Is there a way to get so intertwined in the moments we have with people that when the big changes come we know we lived to the fullest in those moments so it becomes less sad? Or is sadness always part of these kind of big changes because of the depth of feelings people have for people?

It’s an interesting road we all travel, some of us more in tune with these thoughts than others, but we all experience them on some level and they impact us to our core whether we admit it or not. To tie this in with Sammy, I know Annie and I will go through many more big changes with him. Getting pregnant was a big change, the day he was born was too…and who knows what the next one will be. I’m not sure I’m ready for one right now.

To the ones this article is about, I (and I’m sure we all do) wish you absolutely nothing but the best and hope the adventure that lies ahead fulfills you. Cheers to you and to new chapters!

7 Months Old

This Sunday will mark Sammy’s seventh month on this planet and again, all we seem to be able to ask ourselves is…where has the time gone?

Actually that’s a lie, that question comes up but so do a crap ton of other questions like:

When will he be able to poop without crying?

How long does the drooling last?

How many days a week is it okay to have a babysitter?

How come when absolutely nothing is happening he fusses or cries?

When will he take a nap without fighting sleep, which usually involves SCREAMING?

When will he be old enough to leave home alone?

He found his penis at 6.5 months old…is that normal?

You know, these types of questions and more. I guess it comes with the territory. One thing I find great comfort in is when I look back at the first few days or weeks with Sammy and literally feeling utterly and completely dazed…possibly like being hit by a Mack truck. Even now, every single day is new territory for us since we only have the one baby. Every phase, every sound, and every movement is new…good, bad, and indifferent.

I think the one thing that happens even though everything remains new, is that over the first few months of having your child and being able to successfully keep him alive you gain confidence in yourself. It’s just like with anything you do; once you have some life experience with it you really start getting comfortable regardless of what’s going on, you just seem to be able to handle things a bit better.

You start to worry less and enjoy more. You actually do start questioning things less, at least we have. Some of that comes from actually working on not over thinking every little thing. We use to go in to our pediatrician with a list of 20 questions and now we go in with maybe one or two. The dynamic changes. The soundtrack goes from “Holy shit, what are we doing” to “Eh, he’ll be fine”.

And the journey continues!!

Here’s the thing; we’re already a country of over-consumption. We want it bigger, louder, brighter, and we want more of it! The more toys, the better! The more food, the better! The more stuff, the better! That’s why we’re in debt, overweight, and have “stuff”spilling out of every corner of the garage, closets, under the beds, etc. We’re drowning in our own hunger for more! Yet, why don’t we crave more conversation, more family time, more creativity, more knowledge???

As you may have read in some of our recent posts, we’re working towards exactly that! Consuming less and spending our time on things that actually matter to us. Less TV and more music; less processed foods and more fresh, local produce; less toys and more interaction with Sammy. So, it’s from that perspective that I’ve started to look at how we can lessen our carbon footprint while still participating in that glorious tradition of giving each other “stuff”.

Here’s some ideas for kid’s gifts that don’t suck:

1. Tickets to the local zoo or aquarium – heck, get enough tickets so you can go, too!

2. Books…books…more books! – you can never have enough books, either actual or virtual, get more books!

3. Art, cooking, or music lessons – let’s help inspire those creative minds!

4. Money towards college – who doesn’t like money?

5. Tools, instruments, or supplies for building and/or creating things – art supplies, drumsticks, legos, whatever!

6. Kits – model airplane kits, knitting kits, birdhouse kits, you get the idea – kits are cute, neat and easy!

7. Small fish tank – kids love little fishies. Their parents might not, but what the hell?

8. An EXPERIENCE! In my opinion, this is the best gift of all! Create a certificate or ticket for an experience with you. Whether it’s a movie and ice cream, or a picnic at the park, go make some memories!

As a BONUS for all you beautiful blog readers out there, I’ll give you some ideas for adult gifts that don’t suck! Instead of exchanging more meaningless “stuff” next Christmas try this:

- A great bottle of wine, with a recipe for a food pairing – let them create a romantic evening for their spouse, or maybe get in on the action if you like food and wine!

- A gift card to their favorite online store – yeah, yeah, we all know about gift cards, but I love getting a gift card that I can use while cruising the interwebs…

- Cooking, art, music classes – I know, I used this one above, too but it’s still a good idea to foster creativity in grown-ups!

- An EXPERIENCE! Yeah, stealing from above again, but it’s worth it! Take each other out to a nice dinner instead of both of you spending $50 on some bobble for each other that will end up in a drawer or collecting dust on a shelf! Or meet at a winery, do some tasting and buy each other a bottle of something you liked! Get creative…the potential for good experiences is endless!

I came across this article “The Top 5 Worst Mistakes American Parents Make” and couldn’t help wonder what we’re doing wrong…or better yet, what we might do wrong in the future. I think it’s really interesting that there could be such a difference between the way Americans parent and the way Europeans parent.

What do you think??? Do you agree? Oh yeah, and what do you think us Americans are doing right???

Happy Birthday

I remember getting all misty and teary-eyed the night before we went in for the C-section to have our little Sammy. Matt asked me what I was thinking about and I told him I was realizing that from the day he was born, every day Sammy would move a little bit farther away from me. He would begin seeking his independence almost from the very beginning, and I was sweetly sad thinking that this night was the closest he would ever be to me.

Now before you go getting all concerned that I want to hold my kid in my arms (or my belly for that matter) for the rest of my life, and have him depend on me for every need, that’s NOT the point I’m trying to make! I have enjoyed and I have survived the intense times where he relied completely and solely on Matt and I for every single need he might have. He still does, obviously, but the independence is creeping in, slowly, but surely, each and every day! We can literally watch him learn new skills on a daily basis and I know that in the blink of our eyes, we’ll be sending him off to college, or wherever it is he goes when he goes. I’ll look back on these days and I’ll cherish them, each little smile, snuggle, the spit-up, the dirty diapers, and the crying…and then I’ll turn to Matt and say “Thank God we only did THAT once”!!!

You see, I’m not sure I could handle all of this again. I have my perfect little baby boy that gazes up into my eyes when I feed him, who smiles a huge toothless grin every time I walk in the room, and who settles down when I nuzzle his upset little face, who completely and unconditionally loves and trusts me. I have all that, and it’s beautiful.

Here’s what I know:

- Someday he’ll want to feed himself and won’t want my help

- Someday he’ll dress himself, showing his very own personal style

- Someday he won’t want to hold my hand crossing the street

- Someday he’ll be embarrassed by me

- Someday he’ll think I’m stupid and annoying

- Someday he won’t need my cooking

- Someday he’ll lose patience with me because I don’t understand him

- Someday he’ll find a woman to love that will be the center of his universe

- Someday I’ll dance with him at his wedding and know that I had something to do with him knowing how to give a woman his heart

  – Someday he’ll have kids and then he’ll come to me and hopefully thank me for being his mom. He’ll be able to look at me through different eyes and understand the depth of commitment, the unconditional love, and the most beautiful heartbreak of his life.

The Browne Family

Looking back at getting pregnant and having Sammy is quite difficult at this point. In some ways it seems like it all happened yesterday but in many other ways I feel so far removed from it that I feel like I don’t remember much. On the other hand though, it feels like I remember a lot.

Butternut Squash

I couldn’t wait for our pediatrician to give us the green light to feed Sammy “real” food! I was so disappointed at his 4-month appointment when the Doc said “well, there’s really no need for it at this point”. I held on to my excitement, knowing that time passes so quickly and the 6-month appointment would be here before we knew it! And it was…a couple of weeks ago…he gave us the GO sign and I went for it! I propped the little dude up in his newly-put-together high chair and spooned a wee bit of rice cereal into his open little bird mouth. He took it!!! He took it!!! And he even seemed to dig it a little bit. Wow!!! Let the games begin!!!

I whipped out the “Beaba” steamer/blender/heater/thingy and stared at it, wondering what food to start with. I had big dreams and intentions of feeding him nothing but farm-fresh veggies and homemade things that were nothing but superman-level healthy. I’ll admit, I haven’t gotten everything at the farmer’s market, but it’s all been organic and it’s all been fresh (except frozen peas). A trip to the FM (farmer’s market) this week will add to the bounty of goodness that Sammy gets to grub on.

So, we started with peas…yes, frozen peas, steamed then pureed and shuffled into ice cube trays for freezing and storing. We loaded him up in the high chair, bibbed him and went for it! He LOVED the peas!!! Couldn’t get enough of them! We fed, watched, laughed and enjoyed every minute of seeing our little dude take in some green goodness!

I can’t tell you the sense of satisfaction that I get from giving him real food. It makes me feel so empowered and genuinely joyful to feed him a little bowl full of something like peas and know that his little body is taking in all those nutrients and processing them! I’m helping his cells and brain and muscles and bones grow by feeding him things that are really healthy for him. Forget the processed, chemically treated crap! I’m all about the REAL food!!!

So, in the 2 weeks since his 6-month appointment, he’s had peas, green beans (didn’t like those so much on the first try, but now they’re all good), avocado, butternut squash and next on the list is carrots! He’s done really well and taken to this whole spoon-fed thing like a pro! He has; however, taken to spitting the food all over the place once he gets in his mouth…it’s more of an excited thing than a rude thing, but it makes for a challenging wardrobe protection issue for whoever is feeding him….little flying chunks of peas are cute, until you find them 2 hours later in the hip crease of your pants or your hair. Yeah, cute! But way better than finding spit-up in your hair 2 hours later (this actually happened…).

Any suggestions of what else to put into Sammy’s repertoire of deliciousness?

Okay, “afraid” may be a strong word (although I don’t think it is) but Annie and I were chatting last night about life, money, Sammy, and all the other issues in the world. We’ve been headed in the direction of attempting to be more minimalistic for the past two or more years. I would say we have mostly failed at this but we have certainly made some progress.

The last couple of months I have been thinking more and more about what we can do to enrich our lives more and be more minimal all at the same time. Doing this will be beneficial for many reasons:

1) By focusing more on how to become more minimal we will reduce our carbon footprint.

2) In some ways we’ll have more time because we will be re-prioritizing time spent.

3) We will be spending less money which is good all the way around.

4) Sammy will grow up in a house where the priorities are people, not things.

5) Even though I think Annie and I have a great relationship, I think it will get even better.

One area we have started focusing on is food. Our goal is to eat healthier and attempt to buy as much food (produce, etc.) from local providers versus the big box stores. That doesn’t mean we won’t be at the big box stores but it means we’ll be there less.

We’re also going to start focusing on our home utilities. We want to use less electricity, gas, and so on. We are contemplating cutting our cable and land line with Charter and using Apple TV and an online fax service instead. This will save us money, but overall our goal is to watch less TV. More money in the bank account and more time to work on things that matter! I’m a huge advocate of creating stuff…whether that be a poem, a short story, a blog post, a painting, or whatever it is you do. I think creating is better than watching TV.

There are some other ideas floating around between Annie and I but you get the idea. We are looking in to all aspects of our life to see where we can cut spending without giving up fun and to see where we can do better in supporting our local community.

The end goal is to raise Sammy with the priority that human relationships matter more than material things and over-consumption. We want him to put value on creating things and not just consuming what other people create. My personal belief is that our legacy comes from the relationships we have (friends, family, marriage), giving back, and the things we create.

Other goals are to spend less and save more. By doing this we can retire sooner or give back more…but at least we’ll have those options. We also think it’s important to simply use less…use less energy, less stuff that we consume and throw away. We’re not going to become hardcore tree huggers but we can certainly do better than we are right now.

 One of the main reasons for all of this, aside from benefitting Sammy, is I want my life back. I’m tired of allowing the TV and other completely unimportant things to weigh me down and steal the little bit of time I have left on this planet. I’d rather spend more time with Annie and Sammy. I’d rather read more and continue to create the things I enjoy creating. I’d rather travel and talk to people versus sit in front of a TV.

There is nothing more important than time, yet we never work on balancing the checkbook of time like we do our checkbook of money.

When you die, will all those hours of TV have made you a better person?

So here we are, pushing ourselves even more to do something instead of nothing. This life is an experiment and we’re trying to evolve and change as we feel the need. We’re trying to continually enhance ourselves, our relationship, and the time we have. This isn’t about becoming militant with all this and burning our TV’s in the backyard…it’s simply about becoming more aware of how our time is spent.

It’s never too late to start making those changes you’ve always wanted to make.

Boston Marathon

Yesterday, April 15, 2013, something evil happened in Boston, Massachusetts. As thousands of spectators looked on, runners steadily crossed the finish line in the 26.2 mile Boston Marathon. What an accomplishment! I can’t imagine how finishing something so challenging and rigorous would feel! So, as these people were celebrating reaching HUGE goals and realizing their dreams, 2 bombs went off in the crowd. As of right now, 3 people have died and almost 200 have been injured. We see pictures of massive bloodshed, people frantically trying to get away from the scene, and chaos at every turn. 

What we also see pictures of are people running TOWARDS the chaos…just regular people, reacting to this horrific act of violence and cowardice with courage and disregard for their own safety. We’ve heard stories of people using parts of their own clothing as tourniquets for the injured, people holding others up who were too injured to hold themselves up, and others comforting and soothing perfect strangers in the midst of these horrific conditions.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, because now that we have a son, I look at things like this through different eyes. While Sammy has no idea what the Boston Marathon is or what a bomb is, he does know that we, his parents, are the two people in this world that are supremely responsible for his well being and his exposure to evil things in the world. How will we handle it when he is old enough to take in and understand the evil things that people have the capability to do to each other?

What I have made the decision to do in the last 24 hours is to teach him that yes, there are people in the world that think they have some good reason to hurt other people, but there are many, many MORE people that have the capability to help, give, care for, and nurture other people. That is what we will focus on. We won’t focus on the evil acts, but the superhuman ability that humankind has to close ranks and hold each other up.

While the media shows the explosion videos over and over, and while they interview traumatized witnesses and analyze their words, we will be talking about the people that took care of each other…even after running 26.2 miles! THAT is the remarkable part of this tragic occurrence and that is what we will focus on with our sweet Sammy. His pure, innocent little mind doesn’t need to be littered with incessant reliving of the evil, but with the beauty that humanity is capable of. That’s the best I can do with this horrific tragedy. Our hearts go out to all those who have been touched by this, and we hold each one of you up with our positive energy.

6 months!!!