2012
A Father To Be: Where is the Connection?
18 Weeks Pregnant
I’m sure it’s different for each father to be but I’m often curious about when the connection to little unborn tiny baby starts for the proud papa. In my current experience, I feel like I have this connection but I can’t imagine it’s anything like what Annie is feeling and experiencing.
When I first saw fingers and toes in an unltrasound picture that made the whole thing feel real to me and since Annie has started showing I know it’s because there’s a real baby growing in there…not from all the Twinkies and Doritos tacos from Taco Bell that she’s been eating (kidding…Annie eats WAY healthy). But for Annie she already has the physical feelings and hormonal changes that allow her to start having real connections with Little Browne…she’s already feeding this baby, protecting it, carrying it, and feeling it swim around in there; but I don’t have those things.
Jealous Father Much?
To be completely truthful I’m not jealous at all, Annie and I are going through this experience together but we’re having two completely different experiences. I talk to the baby from time to time although it still seems weird…not really sure what to talk about. I mean, do I try to get him to understand why I am a Dodger and Giants fan? Do I explain that Joe Montana is the best quarterback of all time? Do I encourage his quick rise to a position of wealth so I can retire? I’m not sure.
So as the days and weeks tick by I wait patiently out here for this little guy to finish building himself with mom’s help. I’m okay with waiting for a real connection to this baby…since I have to wait in line there’s nobody I’d rather wait in line behind than Annie. Even with all the added “high risk” crap (I almost feel like it’s tattooed on our foreheads) she’s been amazing…working out 4 days a week, eating healthy, playing music for the baby and explaining to him why she thinks Led Zeppelin is the greatest band of all time, holding her belly to let him know that she’s right outside, and working to maintain a stress-free zone.
I know it sounds dumb…and obvious, but I’m glad Annie and Little Browne are together 24/7. It comforts me to know that they have each other and they’re doing their thing…so no, I’m not jealous…I’m in awe of watching this develop and seeing Annie change both physically and mentally. My connection will come in due time…it’s not always about me even though I wish it could be. So for now I will be patient and let the two of them build that bond and do whatever I can to nurture it…but Little Browne will like the Dodgers too, even though Annie doesn’t.
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Aawww – look at that cute Little Browne baby bump! I say talk away, about anything that comes to mind. And while I don’t know from personal experience, I imagine a personal connection is longer in the making for Dad. I think it’s great that Annie is doing her thing with Little! And that you can find ways to do your thing, too! Love to the 3 of you!
@HeatherBrowneDearborn Totally agree Heather…it’s a fun adventure and we’re trying to do all we can do to “nurture” from out here. And yes, I think for the Dad it takes longer to get the connection…in due time.
As lucymfel explained having a connection to the baby via sonograms was a privilege I did not have.
On another note I found ways to enjoy when our daughter moved and had the hiccups inside of mommy.
I felt changes that where all in my mind but even when baby comes out it take some time for you to realize you are a dad!
congrats!
@RaulColon That’s a bummer that you couldn’t be part of the ultrasound stuff Raul…I’ve been fortunate with that, I’ve seen baby move on screen and all that, been fun. It’s an amazing journey, as you know. Thank you!!
@MatthewLiberty I can totally understand your post here. As a female & mother we experience (just about) “everything” the movements, their little body taking over ours, we seem to feel we are cradling him in our arms not in our belly. Our hormones are changing and helping us “feel” the motherhood process. But you guys don’t have any of that going on! So how and when does this process takes place for you daddy’s? That is so hard to say. As it will be different for everyone. I’ve been married twice and had my second child (first child for him) when he was 36. To us, the connection and bonding became instant when the baby was born! (not before) I remember the first night, they held the baby in the hospital’s baby nursery (so that I could sleep) which was across the hall from my room. About 2am we heard a baby cry and my husband woke up from the couch and said: “I know that is our baby” and he went to check on the babies. He came back about 2 hours later. He was right…it was our baby and he had held him and sang him to sleep with the song “Beverly Hill Billies” - He didn’t know any lullabies ….That was the beginning of this incredible bonding that exist today. All you can do is “Love them” that is the only secret…it will happen without even trying! and Baby Browne will be and like “all that you are” ….they pay attention, they learn from you, they adore you! - Just inspire him and he will love you back!
@Jeannette Baer Powerful words Jeannette!! Thank you. I agree with all you said, it is different for everyone and luckily I have had a “window into the womb” via the ultrasounds…being able to see him move around and count his fingers…definitely connects me…but I know this is Annie’s time with Baby and I can absolutely appreciate that. I will have my time and I most certainly look forward to it!! Thank you again for all your awesome support Auntie J!!
Giants Up, Dodgers Down (c’mon Matt, don’t confuse little Buster)… Led Zeppelin IS the greatest band of all time (next to the Beatles of course)… Your connection will happen once you lay eyes on the little one, trust me on that.
@Mitch Bakich Haha…you rock brother!! I have baseball bi-polar disease, I’ll be okay!! I appreciate the words man, especially knowing you recently went through all this!! Cheers!!
Beautiful post.
Simply lovely.
@Krazy_Kris Thanks Kris…from the heart…always from the heart!!
Your day will come Matt and you’re going to love it so much. Reading to the baby is something you can do. Just him hearing your voice helps him bond with you. As he gets older, don’t be surprised if he moves at the sound of your voice. =) Annie, you’re looking awesome!!
@MimiBakerMN I will start doing the reading thing Mimi, appreciate the advice. I also can’t disagree with you…Annie IS lookin’ good!!
Keep on talking to him Matt. Enjoy watching from the outside and make sure your ready to feel the little kicks and movement from the outside. Yes, its very different but still a wonder. Yes, your time will come when hes asking Dad if he will come throw a ball around with him. Those will be the times that Annie will watch and feel her little twinge of jealousy. But its truly not jealousy its more knowing that you brought this wonderful little being into this world with a man who is the greatest father in the world. I think I fall more in love with my husband when I watch him with our daughter being the best dad he can be. Enjoy!
Beautiful comment Janet…love that. Annie will be 19 weeks along tomorrow and I’m actually surprised some days at just how “connected’ I feel…while other days I just wish we could hurry the process along so I can hold him. In the end I know all is happening as it should and the connections develops as it will. Thanks Janet!
It’s the mental compared to the physical connection, Matt, and the latter is so tangible for Mums that it can make the former seem weak, by comparison. Long term, though, the benefit is there for both Dad and son (Congrats on that!) to make all those little connects that you’re putting together now. It helped me, for example, to play songs I love to our little dude in the womb, then comfort him to sleep with them in the first few weeks of his life….maybe all in my head, sure, but that’s our window to the world!
I think you’ll have so much fun starting to pick regular talking points for your little man and relaying all the things you love to him. He hears Mum’s voice throughout the day as a matter of course, so be sure to get your tummy time at every opportunity! Both of your voices can then be familiar and comforting, when those 3am fussy times begin (guess who’s falling asleep in my arms as I type this in the wee hours, rocking away…..
One thing we know for sure: Little Browne is going to be one very lucky and loved little boy.
@Steve Birkett Wow Steve…great stuff my friend! I appreciate the advice and you know I may be picking your brain even more since you’re one of the newest Papa’s I know. I totally agree with the voice thing…it’s important for little man to have those comforts and it will only benefit him and us once he is out in the world.This adventure has no proper description in words…simply amazing!
You’re a great dad already Matt and your little dude knows it. We only had one little girl, she’s 32 now but she’s still our little girl, and I remember how natural it felt holding her, talking to her, changing her and loving her…there’s nothing quite like it. Keep talking to the little guy and before you know it you’ll experience his birth (I assume you plan to be with Annie and actually see him come into this world) and have him in your arms. Then the next thing you know he’ll be asking for the keys to your car so he can burn the tires off it. LOL!!!
@Duncan Paisley You are awesome Duncan!!! This journey is absolutely amazing and I/ we are loving every minute of it!!
Congrats and happy womb reading.
@MaJenDome_ Thank you so much, exciting times!! Have a few books already!